When the Mustaches Leave, You Know It’s All Over.

October 5th, 2010

My Devoted Readers,

As you know, Theories of the Sun closed this past Sunday. While there were many tears, some of those were tears of joy. Three of our male cast members, Jesse Young, Andy Luther, and Andrew Marikis, were celebrating the fact they get to finally shave their mustaches.

Trapped for over 4 weeks with slightly creepy mustaches, these men sacrificed their dignity and good looks for the stage. In the past four weeks, while walking through parks, mothers glared at them. While drinking at the bar, men and women ran from them. And when walking down the sidewalks of Chicago, men with mullets balked in their general direction.

Personally, I love me a good mustache. I have, on many occasions, contemplated buying this handkerchief.

When the moon hits your eye…

But I digress. As of Sunday at 7pm CST, the men were free of their foreboding mustaches! Free of the horrible stigmas and discriminations that come with sporting a finely combed mustache!

In true Sideshow fashion, we decided to document the process. Mostly because Jonathan has a fancy camera, and we have way too much time on our hands.

Behold, the mustaches’ final moments:

Oh glorious mustaches. Your epitaph will read “You lived briefly, but you burned oh-so brightly.”

Now, onto the carnage…

Afraid to let go? Or uncertain on how to use a razor?

Andy, mid process. Are you supposed to take the middle part out first?

Almost there buddy. You can find the other half!

In the end, there was no blood shed. Which is fairly disappointing. I hear those electric razors are super safe. If I were in charge of this shaving operation, I would have demanded they use old school blades and cream, true to the time period. But then I googled and found out the electric razor was invented in 1928. Dang.

And now, for the men, restored to their original beauty…

Yeah, you missed a spot. SHAVING FAIL.

I thought shaving the mustache was supposed to be an improvement?

Ah, looks like a new born babe.

In my utopia, there are both water and BEER rivers, wearing four inch heels improves your posture, and mustaches are allowed to roam free. Until then, we bid adieu to our hairy cast, our beautiful show, and my hopes and dreams.

Special thanks to Navid Afshar, who came up with the idea for this blog post and will probably shit himself if I don’t give him credit.

Over and out.

Ms. Megan